Sunday, January 17, 2010
need advice please!
I would really like some advice if anyone is out there and feels like they can help... I recently was really offended by someone and I cant seem to get over it. I know you are suppose to forgive and forget and move on but I just cant. I was really hurt and I am not sure how to be around this person again without feeling that. I have been offended before and really wasn't as upset as I am this time. Well anyway if anyone has any ideas of how I can get past this and move on it would be great to hear from you!
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7 comments:
That's a tough one! I know if it was me who offended you (which I hope it isn't) I would want to know that I had offended you that deeply. Without knowing the whole story, I don't know if that would be helpful or not.
This happened to me once and I finally decided that I had to get over it or it was going to ruin my relationship with the person. I had to pray for help to forgive because I was really struggling being able to let go. It took time and a lot of prayer, but I am not longer offended by the things that I struggled so long to let go of. Hope this helps!
Ok, this is a tough one,especially without knowing the whole situation. But for me, it really depends on a few things. First, if you know the person would never intentionally hurt your feelings, i.e. be mortified if they realized they had offended you, then the best thing is to let it roll off. Because if they didn't intend to hurt you, and something just came out weird, then it usually is easier to forget about it.
But, if you're pretty sure the person offended you on purpose(which if you haven't known someone that long, it can be hard to tell)then you can decide between two courses of action. Either you chalk it up to the fact that they are someone you don't wish to be around, so why waste emtion on it, or you pull them aside and gently let them know that what they said or did hurt you and that because you don't want it to be an issue between you, you wanted to let them know. Then, this person will either profusely apologize because they didn't intend to hurt you, or they will justify their actions/words and you will know that they are not necessary in your life.
When we lived in Rhode Island, I had to learn quickly that some people are just more abrupt or straightforward, and I could have spent a lot of time being upset. But mostly I just laughed to myself and say "Who says things like that?". I could go on and on about this, sorry. I just feel that most people are honestly good and don't intend to hurt others, and the people who mean to hurt us? Well, we're probably better without them. Good luck with this.
Ang: I'm surprised this has been a problem for you. After all the grandma Joyce comments that you let roll off your back, I would have thought you are as tough as nails. Do you remember that note I got from Valerie Cornaby saying she didn't know how she had offended me but from what I said, it must have been something. I had no idea what she was even talking about. I confronted her about it and she brought up something I said in passing that had nothing to do with anything. I was shocked that it had offended her. I hurried to fix things because I hated to think that I had offended someone - even if it was unintentional. You should get it out in the open. Mumsy
dump a bag of crap on their doorstep and light in on fire. Jk. if you actually care about this person, talk to them about it. if you don't, don't waste another thought on it. you're wonderful.
This is a hard one. I agree with the other comments though--sometimes we have no idea that some random comment we said hurt someone and I think most of us would feel terrible if we found out we offended someone. If it is a person that matters, talk to them and try to fix it. If not, forget about it. Yeah, I know. Easier said than done. But you not forgiving them only hurts YOU. Lots of prayers couldn't hurt. Good luck!!! Love ya!!!
Hi Angie,
You are one of the most amazing people i know so I'm sure you have probably figured it out already.. But when there are times when I feel like it is hard to forgive something that has hurt my feelings.. I've realized the faster I can let it go and move on I feel much better than if I let myself think about it too much. I try to think about the good things about that person. I liked what others said above too. If they are worth the effort to you, talk to them about it.. but you don't have to be around someone who puts you down.
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